Category: Uncategorized
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Synesthesia v Hyperaudio sensitivity
Our (me and The Boy) major physical trigger is audio. Yet to work out completely why but I guess there’s a huge element of being shouted and screamed at. Maybe one day the blanks in our memory will be readable but until then it’s an embodied emotional response to certain sounds. When the emotional response…
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Dancing and letting go – The Boy
So The Boy had another night out. This is probably the first time he’s really allowed himself to fully let go in public since being assaulted in a nightclub many years ago. Both of us have scars from that night, me the physical one, a dent in my head running halfway round my skull, him…
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Today was a good day said The Boy
With apologies to A.A. Milne. There’s times when just sitting in the sun and generally not giving a fuck really helps said Pooh to Piglet. The Boy now has a tan halfway up his arms, well a lesser white than he usually is. None of The Boys daemons have been around today but this has…
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Tarot
Now for clarity neither I nor The Boy believe in the supernatural. It can be used as a form of self affirmation as the cards you pull can, if you have a positive mindset, enhance how you feel. If you have a negative mindset then it can bring you out of that state. Not something…
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DBT triangle
So in DBT (Dialect Behavioural Therapy) there is a triangle of the internal systems. The three core systems are: Threat: what puts you into fligt/fight/freeze or various states thereof Drive: what motivates you to get out of the threat state Soothe: What calms you and makes you happy There’s a constant imbalance between all 3…
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About a boy, continued
There is another side to The Boy’s story, Azreal has a counterpart, the boy is still seeking the name of this daemon, but he’s the one who prevents the boy from sleeping. Azreal is the conscious aware voice telling the boy how bad he feels and that people hate him and that he should be…
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TIPP – DBT What works for me
TIPP is a set of skills to reduce the effects of dissociation, panic, and flashbacks. Not all of it works for everyone and not every skill will work all the time. The acronym means: T Temperature I Intense Exercise P Paced Breathing P Progressive Muscle relaxation The aim of these is to get you out…
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Painting as an outlet
So I used to take a lot of photos. I could lose myself in the developing process for hours. Painting and drawing taken over. It’s a similar process but I’m allowing paintings to form naturally rather than be coerced into what I want. It’s a form of emergent art. Start with a few patterns and…
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Living in the realm of the hungry ghosts
This is difficult to write in public. As a hugely co-dependant CPSTD sort of survivor, it’s more a scream of rage but as I’m dropping out of a manic phase it may be calmer. I’m fortunate to have a good job and medical which is paying for a my therapy. DBT is something that works…
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Azrael sleeps and is unsettled
When you let your daemon sleep and rest it dreams, and its dreams permeate into your reality. Even when the days seem good and fun it finds a way to enter your consciousness. Azreal the monster of cPTSD, Azreal the archangel taker of souls. So Azreal is of course, a fiction. It’s this writers externalisation…
Madly Ever After 