Category: Uncategorized
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About a boy
Not the most original of openings but it’s factually correct. This is the tale of a boy who didn’t know how to grow up and understand himself. A journey through love loss and gender identity. So we’ll travel back in time to a young whistful imaginative child from a middle class family who where/are BELIEVERS.…
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Derealization/Depersonalization – Forms of Dissociation
Derealisation, the complete loss of sense that you’re in the real world. like your playing a video game with you as the main character. Depersonalisation, loss of sense of self, reliant on others personalities to establish what you need from life. This is not an explicit definition but how I experience these. Depersonalization is awful…
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More on mental health
There are days when you are so far disconnected that it becomes almost impossible to function. Today is one of those days. Having spent most of my life in a position of just trying to please others and not knowing how to take care of myself, two years of being at home by myself has…
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Drawings
Been doing some sketches to clear my mind. I’m not bad at these, just need the motivation and encouragement to do more. There’s a nice place you get in your head when doing art that means the rest of the world doesn’t exist. It’s a good form of dissociation, leaving you in the now only…
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Trust and why it’s important
So from a very subjective point of view my lack of trust has failed multiple relationships and nearly cost me my best friend. What I’d failed to realise is that I didn’t trust myself to trust them. Also that I needed them to reenforce myself. I was afraid of their responses and retreated into myself.…
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Mental health
It’s a long time since I updated this page. I had a major breakdown at the end of 2019 and have had several since including one that caused the breakdown of a wonderful relationship. That unfortunately was a failure of trust which was all my fault. I didn’t trust my partner enough to tell her…
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A high level overview #Meltdown
Leaking data from the core of the operating system to an unprivileged program The system running on your computer consists of two parts, the operating system (Windows, Linux, Android, MacOS) and the programs you run (Internet Explorer, Firefox, Photoshop, Warcraft, Chrome, Safari, Steam) Although it’s not easy for the end user to tell the difference…
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Tech fails in action – Rsync misuse
Take a scenario of having to synchronise several webservers with identical content, rsync would seem a reasonable choice.It just comes down to how you implement it. What you don’t do is run rsync pull via cron, with two similar jobs, both writing to the same log file (overwring the same log file whilst dutifully sending…
Madly Ever After 